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Old people SUCK! (OT)

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  • Old people SUCK! (OT)

    Arrrgh!!!!!!!

    Some of you already know what is going on with my dad right now. For those that don't, he is dying from prostate cancer. Used to be about 220 lbs, now down to 118, and close to the end. He also suffers from Alzheimers and dimensia. My mom insists on being his care giver, and she's no spring chicken herself. I've been trying to convince here to put him in an assised care facility, but she still has him at home, with periodic assistance from Hospice.

    The guy should not be at home. He has no clue where he is anyway. I had to get the guns out of the house a while back. When he was still somewhat mobile, he was flooding the garage with gasoline (I guess he was trying to fill something). He carried knives with him all the time. Just a freakin disaster waiting to happen.

    And now I just got a call that he got out of his hospital bed (which mam had put in their bedroom), and decided to walk downstairs. He fell, landed on the marble floor in the foyer, bled all over the place, broke his shoulder and possibly his neck. And there's mom having to deal with all of this crap, and I'm all the way down in Florida.

    Why won't old people listen??????
    http://shop.cafepress.com/content/global/img/spacer.gifOK, let's try this again...

  • #2
    Fresh - so sorry to hear of the family troubles. It has to be frustrating and nerve racking. I'm wishing you the best through this troubled time.

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    • #3
      Sucks to hear that.

      It must be gawdawful hard to put your spouse in a facility. My wife had to recently deal with her grandma in the same way. Grandpa wanted to take care of her even though he was 1/3 of her weight.

      At a time like this you don't need the extra crap.

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      • #4
        Fresh, I feel for you. I had to move in with my grandmother when I was 16 to help out with my grandfather, whose Alzheimer's was getting worse and worse.
        We BEGGED her to put him in an assisted-living place, but she wouldnt budge, even after several nights of me literally having to tie him in to a chair and sit across from him all night to keep him from running out.
        She took care of him for 8 years like that (and I will always remember seeing him in the hospital bed in her living room, smoking non-existant cigarettes, when he couldnt even remember where or who he was...thats how strong the nicotine addiction is, folks!!).
        Never would let us put him in a facility or anything, no matter what happened.
        Damn stubborn old people!

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        • #5
          Jesus Fresh. That sounds horrible.

          Sorry man.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by FearTheDawk
            Fresh, I feel for you. I had to move in with my grandmother when I was 16 to help out with my grandfather, whose Alzheimer's was getting worse and worse.
            We BEGGED her to put him in an assisted-living place, but she wouldnt budge, even after several nights of me literally having to tie him in to a chair and sit across from him all night to keep him from running out.
            She took care of him for 8 years like that (and I will always remember seeing him in the hospital bed in her living room, smoking non-existant cigarettes, when he couldnt even remember where or who he was...thats how strong the nicotine addiction is, folks!!).
            Never would let us put him in a facility or anything, no matter what happened.
            Damn stubborn old people!
            Obviously you get where I'm coming from.

            I'm frustrated and feel God damned helpless to do a damned thing about it. Alzheimers Sucks. Cancer Sucks. And sometimes, LIFE just fucking sucks!

            Sorry, end of rant.
            http://shop.cafepress.com/content/global/img/spacer.gifOK, let's try this again...

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            • #7
              Yeah but no need to take it out on VFK in the other thread.

              You know, this is one of those things where people say "sports isn't life or death". Yes, that is true. But for about 3 hours on a Sunday, it certainly can take your mind off your problems. The people who disparage sports don't get that.

              Comment


              • #8
                Sometimes there's just nothing you can do, and, man, I know how frustrating that is.
                If he's getting hospice care, maybe you (or your mom) can ask them about restraints for the hospital bed? We had something similar happen, but fortunately just minor injuries. After that, we had to restrain him in the bed. They didnt restrict movement in bed, but there wasnt enough slack to stand up.
                The thing about Alzheimer's is, even though its a degenerative brain disease, certain deeply embedded actions are almost as unconscious as your bodily functions (heart beat, breathing). The occasional synapse-to-synapse connection still happens, and that's when you have the problems.
                Also, have you looked into any support groups, or friends from church, things like that? Your mom needs to be able to get away from it occasionally, too, or it will seriously start to impact her health.

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                • #9
                  Having lived a distance from my parents and having gone through very trying times when they deteriorated physically before their deaths, my thoughts are with you.

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                  • #10
                    damn that sucks, hope everything works out for the best
                    Whatcha Gonna Do Brother, When the Eagles run wild on you?

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                    • #11
                      I feel for you man.

                      The problem is that your Mother loves your father and is intensely loyal. Assisted living takes away the freedom they have now even though he needs it.

                      She can't put her man in that facility...she feels obligated. That's a great woman...while it is probably not the right choice - she's taking care of her man till the end.
                      Carson Wentz ERA


                      NFC East Titles:
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                      • #12
                        I hear ya, BP.

                        Wanna hear something funny? At 10:30 this moringin I called my mom, and one of our topics of conversation was whether or not she was finally agreeable to putting him in a home. She had just told me of some difficulties she had with him last night that I won't go into (you should thank me for that). Anyway, she asked me what she should do (for the one millionth time), and I finally said "Mom, I understand why you don't want to, just do what you think is right".

                        Two hours later.......THIS. (Did I mention that he split his head open?)

                        As for mom's health, she has a tumor in her head that she refuses to do anything about until my dad passes. Says she can't deal with that right now, against the doctor's recommendations. She's 5-7, and down to 105 lbs herself. Looks like a damned skeleton. I'm gonna lose her next.
                        http://shop.cafepress.com/content/global/img/spacer.gifOK, let's try this again...

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                        • #13
                          Fresh,

                          sorry to hear that. But think of how you'd feel if you were in their shoes.

                          I think we get this idea about old people because we are at the peak of our lives, living our life in our own troubles, where older people unfortunately because of today's society, are not meant to be a part of.

                          And I think as we grow older, we are going to be as they are right now unfortunately.

                          Stay strong, and be patient.
                          "You will dress only in attire specially sanctioned by P.E. special services… You are no longer part of the system. You are above the system, over it, beyond it. We're "them." We're "they." We are the Men in Green."

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                          • #14
                            Having watched my wife deal with alheimers for 10 years with her mother, I can symathize and understand.

                            BP has it right for the most part, and after about 7 years of dealing with it, we finally convinced my father in law to get help------- once he did,,, things were much better for everybody..............but you can only lead a horse to water........

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                            • #15
                              Re: Old people SUCK! (OT)

                              Originally posted by FRESH
                              Arrrgh!!!!!!!

                              Some of you already know what is going on with my dad right now. For those that don't, he is dying from prostate cancer. Used to be about 220 lbs, now down to 118, and close to the end. He also suffers from Alzheimers and dimensia. My mom insists on being his care giver, and she's no spring chicken herself. I've been trying to convince here to put him in an assised care facility, but she still has him at home, with periodic assistance from Hospice.

                              The guy should not be at home. He has no clue where he is anyway. I had to get the guns out of the house a while back. When he was still somewhat mobile, he was flooding the garage with gasoline (I guess he was trying to fill something). He carried knives with him all the time. Just a freakin disaster waiting to happen.

                              And now I just got a call that he got out of his hospital bed (which mam had put in their bedroom), and decided to walk downstairs. He fell, landed on the marble floor in the foyer, bled all over the place, broke his shoulder and possibly his neck. And there's mom having to deal with all of this crap, and I'm all the way down in Florida.

                              Why won't old people listen??????
                              Mike,

                              I am terribly sorry to hear about your parents. It was very very difficult to deal with/ assist with my father's cancer situation long distance which is the main reason obviously I moved back to Philadelphia, but lets just say I know what you may be feeling and empathize with you and your family's struggle with this situation.

                              It sounds like he does need to be in a hospital, but from experience that is something the family needs to decide if he cannot on his own. My father luckily was lucid until the last week and had already told us what he wanted done. We had to persuade him to go to the hospital and they did make his last days less painful, but I also understand people like my grandfather who equated hospital with death and stayed home until literally his last hour....they do not want to give up or acknowledge they are at the end and thus fight until their last breath...I could never judge them for that, but it does make things much more complicated and frustrating....

                              My mother is healthy for now, but they were married for 47 years...there is no such thing as life without him....she is struggling very much in trying to move on, find something to get engaged with, passionate about to fill the void...but there is nothing that can yet.

                              Take care, god bless and you and your family will be in my thoughts.
                              Eliminate distractions, create energy, fear nothing, and attack everything.

                              -Andy Reid

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