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  • #31
    MM

    Infants are truly a blessing and a joy. Unfortunately, they can also be an unmitigated pain in the ass when they start crying and won't stop. What to do? You can't reason with them and threats involving visits from a flesh eating boogie man aren't effective with children until they're old enough to understand what you're saying and have horrible nightmares.

    One solution is to tell the 3 year old that you've got to go out for a couple minutes and that you're counting on her to take care of the baby while you're gone. Tell her it's a game called Secret Substitute Teacher and that you won't be gone for more than 10 minutes tops. (Kids that age can't tell time so you're good for at least 2 or 3 hours.)

    If some adult should come home while your out or if the 3 year old fails to carry her weight caring for the baby there are a couple beautiful explanations you can use:
    - You had to leave the house abruptly to chase a shady character who looked like an Islamic terrorist
    - The 3 year thought up the Secret Substitute Game and you were just being a caring grand dad fostering the child's creative imagination

    Either one of those should work pretty well.

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