A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
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LOL!
Here's another one:
Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was
> born
without ears.
>
> When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's
family was invited over to see the baby.
>
> Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him
and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.
>
> Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.
>
> When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
>
> The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."
>
> Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little
> hands,
cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"
>
> "Yes," the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the doctor said he
> will
have 20/20 vision."
>
> "That's great," said Little Johnny, 'cuz he'd be shit-outta-luck if
> he
needed glasses
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A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her
husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The
boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover
are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's
go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that
That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to
church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little
boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again"move the table...just once more!
http://www.harmonyriley.com/comedy/
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