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  • Jacksonville = dump

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...5.html?sub=new

    You have to register to read the article so I'll post the whole thing below.
    Whatcha Gonna Do Brother, When the Eagles run wild on you?

  • #2
    What's That Smell? Jacksonville

    By Tony Kornheiser
    Wednesday, January 26, 2005; Page D01

    Right after Chad Lewis caught that touchdown pass with about four minutes to go, the touchdown that cemented the victory and ensured the Philadelphia Eagles would be in the Super Bowl, some guy in the stands joyfully held up a sign that said, "We're Going To Jacksonville."

    And I thought: What on earth is second prize? You have to build there?

    Tents are erected along the St. Johns River in Jacksonville as the city prepares for the Super Bowl. (Bob Self -- The Florida-times Union Via AP)


    How did Jacksonville get the Super Bowl? What, Tuscaloosa was booked?

    If going to Jacksonville for a week is the reward New England and Philadelphia get for being the best teams in the NFL this year, Peyton Manning ought to be happy he didn't get there. Imagine how Manning would have felt, having to play all year in Indianapolis, and then landing in Jacksonville? Which gods would he have offended to get that killer quinella?

    The NFL must see itself as handing out some sort of charity when it awards the Super Bowl to any place other than New Orleans, Miami and Southern California. Because, believe me, nobody wants the game to be anywhere but there. So when the NFL insists on putting it in outposts like Detroit, Houston or Minneapolis, people ask, "Are you guys nuts?" But when you pick Jacksonville, people are agape and say, "Who in Jacksonville has a photo of Tagliabue with a goat?"

    At least these other places are big cities, with some history and a longtime affiliation with the NFL, as opposed to Jacksonville, which has now been in the league for about 15 minutes. Detroit is where American cars are made, and where Motown music originated. Minneapolis-St. Paul is the home of 3M and General Mills. Houston is the home of NASA, and, thanks to Enron, the gold standard in white-collar corporate crime. Jacksonville is what? (I'm just taking a shot here, Tony, a dump? No. Cut that out. It's a 'Ville! The only good 'Ville is a Coupe de Ville.)

    Have you ever been to Tampa? It's heaven, if you like Waffle Houses.

    Jacksonville makes Tampa look like Paris!

    Jacksonville has this one great thing, the TPC course with the island green on No. 17. (Which is actually in Ponte Vedra.) And the rest of it can be described with this phrase, "Welcome to Hooters."

    People in Jacksonville will be very upset with this piece. They will say it's a cheap shot by an effete Northerner who didn't want to be the 28th person on his own paper to write about how great and smart and handsome Tom Brady is. (Which is true, but come on, we kid because we love.) They will yell and scream that their city is hardly a backwater -- it's the 14th largest city by population in the country! Yes, and that's because it's the largest city by area by far. It's an octopus. It's 840 square miles! It takes in almost all of northeast Florida. If Jacksonville annexes all of southern Georgia, it could maybe crack the population top 10.

    The NFL will tell you Jacksonville is a warm-weather site because it's in Florida. But Jacksonville is barely in Florida. It gets cold in Jacksonville. Yesterday morning, the low was 31 degrees. That's below freezing, boys and girls. That's cold enough that you need to keep the space heater turned on in the double-wide. And Jacksonville is 20 miles from the beach. Jacksonville is one of the smallest and most remote stops in the NFL. Green Bay is smaller and more remote. But Green Bay has Lombardi, Starr, Favre and the frozen tundra. Jacksonville has a Dairy Queen.

    Jacksonville may be in Florida technically. But this isn't South Beach, gang. It isn't the home of Gloria Estefan, Enrique Iglesias and Luther Campbell. Jacksonville is where Pat Boone was born (sometime around the Martin Van Buren presidency), and where the Southern hair band .38 Special got together. Somehow it doesn't sound like hip-hop. It's more like I-Hop.

    My friend Tony Reali, "Stat Boy" on the "PTI" show, flew to Jacksonville a few months ago to emcee some dopey trivia contest. And when he walked off the plane, he got a whiff of something that almost brought him to his knees -- it was Jacksonville -- and he made the not uncommon observation, "This place smells."

    "I am from Staten Island, and I have lived in New Jersey," Reali explained. "I know bad smells. This was right below Secaucus."

    Not as bad as Staten Island?

    "Nothing approaches Staten Island," Reali said with conviction.

    The next day, while appearing on a national radio show with Dan Le Batard of the Miami Herald, Reali announced, "Jacksonville stinks," and asked Le Batard if it smelled that bad in Miami.

    My friend Mike Freeman, who used to work here at The Post and now writes a column in Jacksonville, heard the show and went wild. He called Reali "Stat Jerk" and "Stat Punk," and chided him for slandering fair Jacksonville (named for Andrew Jackson, who, by the way, never actually set foot in it -- he was probably waiting on the beach). In his column Freeman said Reali's salvo was probably the first of many that would be fired at Jacksonville now that it was getting ready to host the Super Bowl.

    Get used to it, brothers and sisters, Freeman wrote, this is what they're all going to do.

    Brady, table for five. Brady, table for five. Welcome to Applebee's. Eatin' good. In the neighborhood.

    Yikes
    Whatcha Gonna Do Brother, When the Eagles run wild on you?

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    • #3
      I'm sure they'll cover up the stench for the SB.

      Sounds like Jax is one big strip mall and suburb.
      Support Sportscolumn.com! Tell a friend!

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      • #4
        I can't wait to see what JAXREIGN has to say about all this. It is pretty funny, I never knew about all that.
        I'm going back to Houston... to do the hotdog dance. I'm going back to Houston.... gonna get some pants.

        -Beck

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        • #5
          Even JaguarsReign knew enough to move to Hawaii.
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          • #6
            Well, this isn't the first article I have seen blasting J'ville. What has Jacksonville ever done to these people? Kornhole's a jerk. I am from the North and have lived in Boston for eight years, I was born near Chicago, and I live in Honolulu right now, but there is no other place I would rather live in than Jacksonville. I can't wait till I get back there. Jacksonville is a great city. And I'll see it again, "this Kornhole is and asshole." I guess this is what we get for growing into a major city on the national stage. This idiot lives on Staten Island, doesn't he realize that Staten is a huge dump. The whole city of New York is a dump. Everyone will see how great a city Jacksonville is when the superbowl is shown. Watch the sports channels this coming week and it will show you the greatness of Jacksonville. What he doesn't realize is that people from Jacksonville have alot of pride in their city. J'ville is a great place to raise your kids, while it has all the conveniences of a major city. We have a good music scene plenty of shopping opportunities, nightclubs, beaches, and activities. Maybe Tony Asshole should actually visit the great city before he bashes it.
            Hawaii's #1 Jaguar Fan

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            • #7
              Here are some little tidbits about J'ville from the official site for your viewing pleasure:

              WELCOME TO JACKSONVILLE!

              From seashore to forest, nurtured by the majestic St. Johns River, Jacksonville offers wonderful opportunities for visitor and resident alike.

              Located in Northeast Florida at the crossroads of two interstate highways, Jacksonville is the largest city in the contiguous United States in land area, a major port, the insurance and financial center of the state, site of U.S. Navy bases and the home of the National Football League's Jacksonville Jaguars.

              In February 2005, the city will host the Philadelphia Eagles and the New England Patriots and their fans at Super Bowl XXXIX. Thousands of football fans and volunteers in Jacksonville, anxious to show the world why our city is so special, are preparing a world-class welcome. To learn more, go to the our Super Bowl Web site.

              ALLTEL Stadium is only 852 miles from Lincoln Financial Field in Philadelphia and 1,150 miles from Gillette Stadium in Foxboro.

              We invite you to learn a little more about our city by clicking on the links at left. For a calendar of things going on in our vibrant city, click here. For more information about Jacksonville's vacation and business opportunities, check out the links below to the Jacksonville & the Beaches Convention and Visitor's Bureau and the Jacksonville Chamber of Commerce Web sites.




              Quick "Jax Facts"

              -The City of Jacksonville ranks as the 14th largest city in
              the United States in population with more than 800,000 residents.

              -The Jacksonville metropolitan area, which includes
              three beach cities and Clay, Baker, Nassau and St. Johns
              counties, has a population of more than 1,000,000
              residents.

              -Jacksonville covers 841 square miles (217,559 hectares).

              -Joint management agreements with national and state park services give Jacksonville the largest urban park system in the United States.

              -Jacksonville International Airport (JIA) is 15 minutes from downtown by car. It is served by 15 major and regional airlines that offer 250 daily flights to and from most major cities in the country and is an international gateway.

              -By air, Jacksonville is ...
              Sixty minutes from Atlanta
              Forty-five minutes from Orlando
              Two hours and 15-minutes from New York
              Nine hours from London

              -Four modern seaport facilities, including America's newest cruise port, make Jacksonville a full-service international seaport. In 2002, JAXPORT handled 7.1 million tons of cargo, including 615,000 vehicles.

              -There are three major Interstate Highways running through Jacksonville-
              I-95, I-295 and I-10. Additionally, I-75 is approximately 60 miles west of downtown Jacksonville.

              -There are four major U.S. Highways- U.S. 1, U.S. 17, U.S. 90 and U.S. 301.

              Feel free to visit http://www.coj.net to find out more.
              Hawaii's #1 Jaguar Fan

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              • #8
                One more thing, Jacksonville has earned the right to host the superbowl.
                Hawaii's #1 Jaguar Fan

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by leifdawg
                  What's That Smell? Jacksonville


                  Jacksonville has this one great thing, the TPC course with the island green on No. 17. (Which is actually in Ponte Vedra.)
                  Sorry, but I have to say one more thing Ponte Vedra is part of Jacksonville. It is a suburb of J'ville.
                  Hawaii's #1 Jaguar Fan

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                  • #10
                    I tod you guys he was going to go off.
                    I'm going back to Houston... to do the hotdog dance. I'm going back to Houston.... gonna get some pants.

                    -Beck

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      What can I say we have alot of pride in our fair city. The last guy who did something like this, from denver, received hate mail for years. Not all of what I posted was exactly serious, either, but alot of it was.
                      Hawaii's #1 Jaguar Fan

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by JaguarReign
                        One more thing, Jacksonville has earned the right to host the superbowl.
                        Not trying to bust your balls, but how did Jacksonville earn the right to host the Bowl?

                        There are much nicer stadiums and cities out there to host the big game.

                        I think the NFL should rent the Rose Bowl 1 year.
                        Whatcha Gonna Do Brother, When the Eagles run wild on you?

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                        • #13
                          J'ville earned the right by being an NFL city for over 10 years. I know you want Pilly to get it one year but it is just too cold there.
                          Hawaii's #1 Jaguar Fan

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                          • #14
                            There's only so many warm weather places with a nice new stadium.

                            Houston had it and they had been in the league 1 year?
                            Support Sportscolumn.com! Tell a friend!

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                            • #15
                              How does being an NFL city for 10 years prove anything?

                              Who cares if Philadelphia is cold, Football is a cold-weather sport. People need to just stop rubbing sand in their vaginas. SuperBowl should be played with HFA just like every other playoff game.
                              Whatcha Gonna Do Brother, When the Eagles run wild on you?

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