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  • onion on owens

    Terrell Owens Blames Poor Game On Drew Bledsoe, Offensive Line, Hamid Karzai, NASA, Samsung

    October 12, 2006 | Onion Sports

    DALLAS—Troubled, underperforming Dallas wide receiver Terrell Owens lashed out in a press conference at the Cowboys practice facility Tuesday, blaming a combination of teammates, world leaders, scientific organizations, and multinational electronics companies for his three-reception, 45-yard performance against Philadelphia Sunday. "I can't catch the ball if the quarterback can't pull the trigger on those passes, and he can't get the pass off if no one's blocking—and who can maintain concentration when [Afghan president] Hamid Karzai is criticizing [Pakistani leader Pervez] Musharraf for not doing enough to stop extremists in his country?" Owens said in response to reporters' questions regarding how he was feeling. "And now NASA says the shuttle came back from its last mission with damage to the protective foam? And I got to watch that news on a Samsung HP-S5053 that makes everything look all oversaturated. Is anyone out there besides me doing their damn job?" Bledsoe, the Cowboys' linemen, NASA, and the Samsung corporation have not commented on Owens' remarks, though Karzai took time yesterday to call Owens a "pass-dropping bitch asshole" on the floor of the United Nations
    Five straight losses, including a crucial one at Dallas on Christmas Day, send them out against Atlanta, needing the win, plus help. -Dr. Z, 8/31/06

  • #2
    Karzai just went up several points in my esteem.

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    • #3


      The Onion "gets it"!

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      • #4
        Carson Wentz ERA


        NFC East Titles:
        Playoff Appearances:
        NFC Title Games:
        Super Bowl Titles:

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        • #5





          TO runs a pattern and waits with nobody near him....


          Drew finally sees TO open and throws to him...
          ]

          Karzai, sitting in section 207 prays to allah that TO catches this pass if it can actually get to him....


          Space Shuttle interferes with the pass.....TO's response can be seen in the right side.


          [/img]
          Pedro

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