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New SportsColumn Feature: Ask Dr. Jukin!!

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  • New SportsColumn Feature: Ask Dr. Jukin!!

    We're proud to offer a new feature here at SportsColumn.com -- "Ask Dr. Jukin". (Please ignore the fact that I'm not actually a doctor - that's simply dwelling on details! Also I should clarify that management isn't actually proud of this feature but again, merely details!) So let's open up the old mailbag and see what's ailing the good folks at SportsColumn today...


    Our first question comes from our fitness fiend himself, Flying Dutchman who asks...

    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.



    Next on the list is a question from 2nd&Arch who's concerned about his diet....


    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.



    Big Philly wrote in wondering if he needs to lay off the sauce during the off-season.


    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!



    Next up comes from a man who asked not to be identified (but I'll give you a hint, he's someone we all know who has multiple Bobby Taylor personalities)

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.



    Stock logged in with this often asked question about excercise...

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!



    And leave it to Maryland's favorite son to go right to the trouble spot!

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


    Vin asks...

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


    The next question came from footballchick who wants to know...

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!


    VFK has been told to jump in a lake so often that he now wants to know...
    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

    and finally Swing on this asks the hard hitting question...

    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
    A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

    And remember:
    "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride
    Official Driver of the Eagles Bandwagon!!!
    Bleedin' Green since birth!

    "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many." - Mike Willey

    ”Enjoy The Ride!!!” - Bob Marcus

  • #2
    Jukin,,,, while I really prefer that stay in the acutal drivers seat while driving our bus.... this "excercise" was a good one!

    Thanks for the chuckles............

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    • #3
      Juk' this might be your best material yet.
      Whatcha Gonna Do Brother, When the Eagles run wild on you?

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