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The Fresh is gonna kick this thing right in the ass thread

Thank you fellas. The prayers help, I know they do.

I am home, everything is fine with the house. Good to be back near sea level. Makes the breathing a bit easier.

Wednesday is my 25 year anniversary, and Thursday is my PET scan. Big week. I knew that I didn't want to have my PET before the anniversary, so other wouldn't ruin it. But I forgot about the no carbs/ no sugars junk the day before a PET.......so that kinda screws up the day any way. Anyway, again I am scared. I know that I am not doing well, but I don't know what the scan is going to show. I dont post much to this thread any more because its not fun to share pain and struggle. Its gotten old.

And I don't really know what to ask God for, other than strength. Sometimes I want to pray that he would just go ahead and take me quickly, but that's not how it works. I'm just glad that I have His love, and Susi, and my friends support. I want to tell you all thank you for continuing to be there in support. Friends and family have real lives, jobs etc that they have going on. I have a lot of spare time on my hands these days. This board has always been here as a comfort. Again, thank you.

Mike
 
Mike........ I read every post here. As I told you early on I prefer not to post here much as it really is painful.

I am so glad you seemed to have found extra strength in faith. Everyone believes different things, but finding your own special piece of mind is what is important, no matter who/what that faith is in. Stay strong!

Bob
 
Thanks Bob. I cling to what hope I can find. I wish I were personally and individually stronger. The support I get from the people around me helps greatly.
 
PET scan showed continued activity within my tumor. Those of you familiar with PET scans know that you don't want to see anything lighting up. Well, it still does, but not nearly as much as it did on the last PET. So, the cancer ain't dead, it's still active. Tumor not growing currently, so we are gong to wait 8 weeks and do a CT. they don't want to start me on any new treatments right now for concern of pneumonitis, or lung inflamation. My lungs are barely sufficient to support me right now, and any sort of hit could be bad news.

Not the news I wanted, but the news I pretty much expected. gonna just hang in there and see how things progress. The radiologist said there was still the possibility that I would continue to benefit from the radiation. Things might improve some yet. Onward.........
 
Mike, I am sorry to hear this news, but I know you will find strength in God to continue to fight this. I haven't posted here in a while since there are so many people in my life fighting this awful disease that quite honestly, it has left me feeling empty and scared and I didn't want to bring that here. But today I felt the need to come and share some of your positive energy.

My wife learned on Friday that the mass Doctors had found in her breast is benign, and we are incredibly grateful for that news. On Saturday my cousin lost a very short but intense battle with cancer. Later in the day my Dad learned he had had a heart attack and had signs of scarring on one of his lungs. He is still being evaluated but it is looking like the lung may be ok. Last night we learned that my wife's best friend who has been fighting her own battle was placed in hospice. Needless to say, I hate this mother fucking disease so much I can feel my blood pressure rise when I think of it. I have 16 people in my life fighting this scourge of an illness, the majority of whom have been diagnosed within the last year or two.

Mike you cotinue to be a light in the darkness and a sign of hope and faith for me. Your courage throughout your own fight is inspiring but your faith in dealing with the struggle is a sure sign of God's love and is proof to me that he hears and answers our prayers. I will continue to pray for you and Susi and I know that your own prayers ARE being heard.
 
Wow Juk that's good news.

Fresh I continue to pray for you and your wife every night. You are a fighter and an inspiration. There is no doubt about that. The body is an amazing machine. You never know what may happen so keep fighting and let your doctors do what they do. Amazing things may happen.
 
Juk, so glad to hear about the news on your wife. That is terrific. Cheers to both of your continued health. It's a blessing.

And AW, thank you for continuing to be supportive. The encouragement is always appreciated.

As for the rest of this post...I decided it was TMI for a message board. In my case, that is really saying something. So I deleted it.
 
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Had a scan yesterday and my tumors has NOT changed since the radiation. So, I am holding steady. New scan in ten weeks .

As for my heart problems, we did an ecocardiagram last week and the heart doc wants a better look at things so we are doing some different type of scan on Friday morning.......I don't even know what it is. All I know is that my lungs now have 30% less capacity than they did 3 months ago, and my heart is now down to 50% efficiency. I'm able to walk for a little bit, but that's pretty much it. Very tired and weak, and get out of breath and dizzy from just standing up. I passed out a couple of times a couple weeks ago, so they are trying to figure all of that out.

Regardless, the CT scan is good news, and I am just going to simply enjoy Christmas with my honey now. Cheers.
 
That's a good attitude sir!! Sounds like a lot of good news and a little bad news. Hope the doctors can figure out something with your ticker!!

Merry Christmas Brother!!
 
My ticker is not really that much of a mystery, AW. A lot of damage from all of the radiation that has been done to my chest. My heart muscles are weekend, and my left valve doesn't close all of the way, and my right valve is dialated. Blood is essentially allowed to flow backwards in my heart. I have very low blood pressure, and a fast heart rate, which causes my weakness and dizziness. I also have found out that I now have fluid gathered around my heart.

All of this is known. Don't know what more info we need,......I'd just like to hear that they have some idea of a way to improve my heart function......which would improve my overall function. I'm tired of being a danged vegetable. I was a friggin athlete, DAMMIT! This is hard on my ego.


Amazing, I still have a hard time accepting all of this. Told you I was weak.
 
FRESH said:
My ticker is not really that much of a mystery, AW. A lot of damage from all of the radiation that has been done to my chest. My heart muscles are weekend, and my left valve doesn't close all of the way, and my right valve is dialated. Blood is essentially allowed to flow backwards in my heart. I have very low blood pressure, and a fast heart rate, which causes my weakness and dizziness. I also have found out that I now have fluid gathered around my heart.

All of this is known. Don't know what more info we need,......I'd just like to hear that they have some idea of a way to improve my heart function......which would improve my overall function. I'm tired of being a danged vegetable. I was a friggin athlete, DAMMIT! This is hard on my ego.


Amazing, I still have a hard time accepting all of this. Told you I was weak.
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Weak my ass Mike. What do you mean by WAS? That's a lion's heart inside of that chest of yours. The radiation may have kicked the shit out of it but it's still there beating back that fuckin cancer! As for not being an athlete anymore I say bullshit. Who else would have hung in there with a 24/7 battle like you have? Keep roaring Mike, I HEAR YOU!!
 
You are my cheerleader, Popper. LOL. But weak is how I feel, physically and mentally. BUT..... I got up with what I feel certain is another blood clot in my left leg this morning, and I am getting ready to go to work despite the fact that I can barely stand. We will see if k can get thru a few hours. I guess I still have a little fight in me. I give you credit for some of that.
 
Hey Popper, I'm home. I made it thru, pretty danged painful tho.

I went to the ER back in April, I believe, with a bloodclot. All they did was take my Vitals, told be to keep taking my blood thinners and follow up with my doctor....and sent me home. Just gotta gut it out, and hope the clot doesn't go to a bad place. I've now had 2 in my leg, and one in my lung.....actually it think I have had one in my lung twice now. Been playing Russian Roulette for a while now with these things. I have not opted to get a clot catcher/filter put in. Maybe I should. I'll see what the doc says on Friday if I see her when we do my new test.
 
Got to met with my cardiologist yesterday. Didn't go well, but not surprising. THis is what she diagnoses me with, largely causued by all of the radiation I went thru. At lest it explains whey I am so week and short of breath. Constrictive pericarditis.


She wanted to run tubes up my groin to my heart, a cardiac catherization, to confirm the condition. The ECHO's we have done have shown increasing fluid around my heart and thickening of the pericardium, which is constricting my hearts ability to pump.

Constrictive pericarditis is a medical condition characterized by a thickened, fibrotic pericardium, limiting the heart's ability to function normally.

Treatment[edit]
The definitive treatment for constrictive pericarditis is pericardial stripping, which is a surgical procedure where the entire pericardium is peeled away from the heart. This procedure has significant risk involved,[12] with mortality rates of 6% or higher in major referral centers.[13]
A poor outcome is almost always the result after a pericardiectomy is performed for constrictive pericarditis whose origin was radiation-induced,further some patients may develop heart failure post-operatively.

As badly as I am doing, and despite the fact that I am at risk for heart failure already, I have told them I don't want to proceed. Susi is not happy about it, but I am thru with this, and I don't need to put myself thru any more crap. Even if I survived it, my heart muscles are still damaged, my heart valves are fragged, and I still have lung cancer that is certain to return to activity. I'm done.
 
Fresh sorry to hear that it's gotten to this point. These are all your decisions though man. This has been all you since the beginning man and you have impressed the hell out of all of us with your grit and courage.

I have no idea what happens now but we will be here for you through all of it.
 
Damn Mike I'm so sorry to hear that. Shit!!! FWIW I would say that I would most likely do the same thing. Big balls to post this Bud but not surprising from you. You know that you're much loved around here.
 
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