Famous Sports Quotes

[Jukin]

It's really slow in here lately as we wait for TC to begin. I saw a list of famous sports quotes and misquotes on Comcast.net and thought I'd start a thread here of some of your favorite sports quotes.

I'll kick it off with one recent Phillies quote and dedicate to Fresh (who no doubt, can relate....


“When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys—there’s no better feeling than to have that done.” - Matt Stairs

[Eaglebreath]

After a particularly bad day in the outfield...

"Man, it was rough out there. The wind was blowing about a hundred degrees." - Mickey Rivers.

[leifdawg]

Forget who said it but. "If practice makes perfect and perfection is unattainable, why practice?"

[sfphillyfan]

Some sports, some not. But Barkley is always good for a laugh:

50. "I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I'd work for the Klan."

49. "You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I'm the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right."

48. "I don't hate anyone, at least not for more than 48 minutes, barring overtime."

47. "We better not be doing the Bulls this year. Man, they suck! Bunch of high school kids with $70 million contracts. Damn! I hate my mother for having me too soon."

46. "You can talk without saying a thing. I don't ever want to be that type of person."

45. After retiring from basketball "I'm just what America needs - another unemployed black man.

44. Ernie: "Did they recognize you in South Dakota?"
Charles: "Yes, they did. It was easy because I was the only black person there. When they see me walking down the street they say 'There he goes again'. And when I come back the next year they say 'He's back yawl!'"

43. Right after Peja won the 3-point contest: "Kenny said it was going to be an all-international night. I want to know which international brother is going to win the slam dunk contest."

42. On the Enron scandal investigation: "Almost all those politicians took money from Enron, and there they are holding hearings. That's like O.J. Simpson getting in the Rae Carruth jury pool."

41. "I had to explain to my daughter why that skank Monica Lewinski has an hour special on HBO this weekend."

40. Ernie: "Auburn is a pretty good school. To graduate from there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum effort."
Charles: "20 pts and 10 rebounds will get you through also!"

39. "Every time I think about changing a diaper, I run a little bit harder and a little bit faster to make sure I can afford a nanny until my daughter's old enough to take care of that herself."

38. EJ: "Did you graduate from Auburn?"
Charles: "No, but I have a couple people working for me who did."

37. "Dick Bavetta and Moses parted the Red Sea together."

36. Ernie Johnson, on Reggie Evans being caught grabbing the rocks of Chris Kaman: "(Reggie Evans) got caught with his hand in the cookie jar."Charles Barkley: "Ernie, I don't know where you get your cookies at but the rest of us don't get ours there."

35. On his 17-year old daughter not dating yet: "Thank goodness. I just hope she doesn't start before I go in the Hall of Fame. That way, I won't have to kill anybody before I get inducted."

34. Kenny: "There's guys who go over to Europe and play overseas from America, and they dominate!"
Charles: "Those are called 'brothers'

33. After Wang has a shot blocked: "He's got to bring something stronger than that. That's like bringing milk to a bar, it's not strong enough"

32. Barkley on Turner Sports office having a betting pool on his weight: "That is starting to hurt my feelings. I don't mind skinny people making fun of me, we all do that, but I don't want fat people making fun of me."

31. "We are in the business of kicking butt and business is very, very good."

30. When the Dream Team was about to play the Angola national team, during pre-game interviews the other USA players provided diplomatic, face saving comments about how they would play hard and felt strongly they would win. When Chuck was asked about Angola and the game, he replied: "They're in a lot of trouble."

29. Charles Barkley on his thoughts about retiring before the season: "I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I said, 'You got a pen on you?'"

28. Man, everything gets blamed on the Clintons, every single thing in this world. I think Bill Clinton shot JFK, too.

27. "I know why his name is DMX. Because his real name is Earl. Imagine if his name was Earl the rapper."

26. "If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick. Same thing."

25. After Kevin Garnett threw a ball into the crowd out of frustration and was ejected. They showed footage of the man that got hit by the ball being taken away in a stretcher and his daughter was crying. Charles commented that players take passes to the face all the time. He topped it off by saying: "You know why that little girl's crying? It's because she's thinking 'my daddy's a wussy'".

24. Barkley on Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith eating a box of hot Krispy Kreme donuts in front of him: “Both of y’all are2 going to hell for that. Y’all are going to hell with a first-class ticket. Is that how you treat your partner? Krispy Kreme might be the greatest invention in the history of civilization when they’re hot. Y’all are cruel man.”

23. "It's kinda great to see the Celtics doin well again cuz that was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and they spit at you and throw things at you and talk about your mom. It sounds like dinner at Kenny Smith's house."

22. "I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five."

21. Charles Barkley after seeing a picture of Sam Cassell on the screen: "Phone home." And later he remarks to Kenny, "Sam Cassell is a good guy, but he's not going to wind up on the cover of GQ anytime soon."

20. While watching someone in Australia put $1 million worth of rubies on a table: "Damn, must not be any black folks in Australia. You can't just leave $1 million worth of jewelry lying around the 'hood."

19. Asked if he had ever been in the governor's office in Montgomery, Barkley said no. "They don't let many black people in the governor's mansion in Alabama," he said, "unless they're cleaning."

18. On the goal of the '92 Olympic Dream Team when playing Panama in the Tournament of the Americas: "To get the Canal back."

17. To Kenny: "Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too close, kissin his!"

16. Barkley on Hanno Mottola, who, as EJ remarked "is the first NBA player from Finland". Charles replies: "Of course he is the first NBA player from Finland, he's the only person in Finland."

15. On supersized Oliver Miller: "You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it."

14. "All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine."

13. On North Carolina missing 22 of its last 23 shots in losing to Georgetown in the NCAA tournament last weekend: "Stevie Wonder could make one of 23 shots."

12. I'd never buy my girl a watch... she's already got a clock over the stove.

11. "I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I've got a technique. It's called just go get the damn ball."

10. On the Portland Trail Blazers (back when they were known as the Jail Blazers) serving Thanksgiving meals: "In between arrests they do community service."

9. "Yeah Ernie, its called defense, I mean I wouldn't know anything about it personally but I've heard about it through the grapevine.

8. "Well, when I went off to college, the guys I used to hang with were pumping gas and voting Democrat. Today they're still pumping gas and voting Democrat. Guess the Democrats didn't do much for them."

7. "When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements."

6. "Hey Stanley, you could be a great player if you learned just two words: I'm full."— Barkley yelling to 300-plus-pound Houston Rockets teammate Stanley Roberts

5. "I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating. I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character."

4. On the All-Star Game: "Hell, there ain't but 15 black millionaires in the whole country & half of 'em are right here in this room."

3. On Jerry Krause still being able to keep his job as GM of the Chicago Bulls: "Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss's wife having sex with a monkey."

2. After throwing a guy through a 1st floor window in a bar Charles was in front of the judge.
Judge: "Your sanctions are community service and a fine, do you have any regrets?"
Charles: "Yeah I regret we weren't on a higher floor"

1. After an Olympic Dream Team victory over Angola, in which they won 116-48, Charles got into a physical altercation with a member of Angola towards the end of the game, afterwards he says: "Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a couple weeks. I thought he was going to pull a spear on me."

[Jukin]

Barkley is the best! Thanks Vin!

[balto-eaglefan]

Some of the websites with sports quotes are just excellent. Here's a couple I liked:

Yogi Berra has way too many quotes to list here.

"The best way to die is to sit under a tree, eats lots of bologna and salami, drink a case of beer and blow up."
-Art Donovan on life

"I don't know if I prefer Astroturf to grass. I never smoked Astroturf."
-Joe Namath on Astroturf

"I'd run over Russ Grimm's mother to win the Super Bowl, too."
-Oakland's LB Matt Millen, after learning Washington's Russ Grimm said he would run over his own mother to win


And then this classic, again from Joe Namath:

[Vet Turf]

Barkley is the man. Speaks his mind and does so with humor (at least I think the humor is intentional).

[sfphillyfan]

Barkley is the man. Speaks his mind and does so with humor (at least I think the humor is intentional).

When asked about his grades at Auburn, he said, "As long as I was leading the SEC in rebounding, my grades would be fine."

[FRESH]

"I'd never buy my girl a watch... she's already got a clock over the stove."

Now THAT is fucking FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tinopuno]

The older guys may remember Alex Hawkins who was a very average HB/WO for the real Colts back in the 60's. After retiring, he went into the booth and did color for the Falcons and, later, CBS. As a color man, Hawkins was a favorite of mine...he was smart, honest and funny. He also took no prisoners.

His candor and smart ass sense of humor finally got him fired. I believe it was a combination of the following 2 quotes which did him in:

- Doing color with Vin Scully during the '77 Dallas/Minny NFCCG, he commented on the way Roger Staubach ran on the field, "You know Vin, that Staubach runs like a sissy". Staubach was something of a national hero and Scully was stunned.

- A week or so earlier, he'd gotten in trouble for this classic...commenting on his experience of having both broken hands in casts at the same time Hawkins said, "I found out who my real friends were when I had to use the Men's Room."

Hawkin's was fired after the season. It was our loss.

[Jukin]

...commenting on his experience of having both broken hands in casts at the same time Hawkins said, "I found out who my real friends were when I had to use the Men's Room."

That's great! He'd get his own show for saying that now.

[tinopuno]

That's great! He'd get his own show for saying that now.

Indeed! Truth is, without really working at it, Hawkins was funnier than the majority of current comics who try to make people laugh for a living.

[sfphillyfan]

One of my favorite quotes is from John McKay after a bad loss.

The question was, "How do you feel about the execution of your offense?" McKay responded, "I'm for it."

[Eaglebreath]

Chuck Thompson and Brooks Robinson were calling a game, and Gaylord Perry was pitching. I think it was against Cleveland, but I don't remember. I just remember the umpire questioning Perry about doctoring the baseball, he kept going to his cap, and the ump wanted to see it...

Brooks: "He must think he's got some KY jelly on that thing."

Loooong pause
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Thompson: " Uhhh, I think you mean vasoline there, Brooks."

[eagle eye]

Reading about the long pause after Robinson's comment reminded me about a similar pause. It was maybe a couple of years ago on Sirius, and Carl Banks was a co-host. He was talking about the O-linemen and said something pretty close to "your job in that position is to keep your quarterback erect in the pocket..." Long pause, but his co-host didn't bite on the hanging curve, so to speak. Banks just tried to go on like nothing happened.