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  • Brandon Marshall-Mister Eagle!

    April 11, 2017

    How an obsession with perfection took ‘Mr. Eagle’ Brandon Brooks from huddle to hospital

    Eagles NFL Philadelphia Anxiety Doug Pederson Brandon Brooks


    By Joseph Santoliquito
    PhillyVoice Contributor

    There were never any warning signs that it was coming. No turning in his sleep from stomach nausea; no twisted sheets caused by internal stress; no physical symptoms whatsoever.

    But for Brandon Brooks, serene game day mornings were pierced with the sudden guttural sounds of projectile vomiting in the toilet. That rush to the bathroom, with his hand cupped over his mouth, was his alarm clock.

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    That’s the way the Eagles’ starting right guard woke up Monday morning, November 28, 2016 – the day the Eagles were scheduled to play on Monday Night Football against the Green Bay Packers. And it’s the same way he awoke Sunday morning, December 11, when the Eagles hosted the Washington Redskins, which was followed by violently expelling his innards in a hospital for 24 hours afterward.

    On the field in 2016, Brooks, the 6-foot-5, 350-pound free agent signee, had his best season as a pro in his five years in the NFL.

    Off the field, he arguably had his worst. On March 9, Brooks, 27, signed a five-year, $40-million deal ($21 million guaranteed), with an $11-million signing bonus, the largest in Eagles’ history for a guard.


    The money, the pressure to perform, it all caught up to him and exploded – quite literally.



    'That’s a caveman kind of thinking.'

    If you closed your eyes and erased his physical dimensions, you could easily imagine Brooks standing behind a podium wearing glasses, a brown flannel jacket and a black bow tie teaching economics or modern banking. Those closest to him joke that he’s 27 going on 40.

    Off the field, he’s affable, highly cerebral, a young renaissance man who is not averse to trying new things and stretching his intellect.

    On the field, he’s a complete contradiction – a thinking destroyer devoted to all aspects of the game, someone who immerses himself in trying to absorb everything he can about his opponent he’ll be seeing on Sunday. What he wants is to be perfect and impregnable.

    And everything last season seemed to be working out that way for Brooks until that Monday morning in late November.

    “There is no rhyme or reason [why it happens]. I go to sleep on Saturday night, just like any other Saturday night, but unfortunately that next morning, I woke up out of my sleep and start throwing up,” said Brooks, who played his first four seasons in Houston after being selected in the third round out of the 2012 draft from Miami of Ohio. “I’ve always had a habit of throwing up before games. Game days, I’ll throw up once. If I throw up more than once, like a couple of more times, more than likely I’m going to get sick. That’s about, as far as physically, what happens to me.


    "It’s like we’re not human beings, like we’re devoid of feelings or emotions. ... It is like you’re just a number on a field."

    “There’s no physical symptoms the night before. I just physically wake from my sleep throwing up. It becomes uncontrollable for 24 hours and there’s nothing a doctor can give me to stop it. It usually stops on its own and I grow so weak that I can barely stand. Those are the two things that go together. The crazy thing is, the next day, it’s as if it never happened and I can eat anything and I’ll be fine. It just gets me that football players are put on these pedestals where they’re not supposed to be, that things like this aren’t supposed to affect us.

    “That’s not the world we live in today. That’s a caveman kind of thinking. My rookie year I had to find myself in this league. But last year, going through that stuff, I would say last year wasn’t the toughest, but it was a close second. Other than actually missing the games, I didn’t really have a problem. I thought I had my best year as a pro, I thought.”

    Brooks – who, like any competitive person hated missing games – felt compelled to go public.

    “I was going through it,” he said. “Then having to come up to the media and talk about what happened, and worrying about how the media was going to spin it and what they were going to do and how fans were going to respond … what happens is, as pro athletes, especially in football, we’re put on a pedestal as if we’re invincible. It’s like we’re not human beings, like we’re devoid of feelings or emotions. They’ll hold you to that.

    “The fact is, you’re making more money than 95 percent of the public, so in their eyes, the emotions, feelings, what you’re going through, injuries to a certain degree, shouldn’t exist and you should play through them. It is like you’re just a number on a field. Going through what I went through last year made me ask myself a bunch of questions.”

    The first self-observation was what made him reach this point.



    'It’s not a mental illness. It is anxiety...'

    The anxiety started in his fourth year with the Texans. They were playing in Buffalo on December 6, 2015. Brooks’ good friend and mentor, Jarrod Johnson, the senior vice president of operations at the Erie County Medical Center, in Buffalo, New York, was there to see him play.

    As Johnson was sitting in the stands of Ralph Wilson Stadium on a frigid Sunday afternoon, he received a text from Brooks: “I’m in your hospital.”

    “Brandon stayed overnight and we took care of him, and I remember telling him that he had to face this thing,” said Johnson, 47, a Lehigh University graduate with an MBA from Howard University who played briefly in the early 1990s with the Pittsburgh Steelers and was with the Sacramento Surge of the World League of American Football. “He’s still doing that. In Houston, Brandon was doing internships at investment banks, working on his MBA. When he signed with Philadelphia, he put more pressure on himself. He became too consumed with football.

    “His trigger comes up before games. That’s just his thing. Every football player goes through it. My anxiety was a little different. I would get an upset stomach; other guys spend time on the toilet until they’re relieved. Brandon goes into every game prepared. He’s in shape. He’s doing everything he needs to do, and I told him if you screw up, so what. Face it, own it and he’s taking all of those steps. I told him to play the game, play it like you’re a little kid again. Brandon would tell me how consumed with football he was. That was the beginning.”

    So Brooks peered a little deeper into who he is.

    He didn’t start playing organized football until he was 12, living in Milwaukee. He was always big for his age, and Johnson, Brandon’s neighbor, remembers the times Brandon would ride his bike up and down the street and then gobble up food at Johnson’s house. An FCS college official, Johnson began his officiating career doing high school games in the Milwaukee area, where Brandon played for Riverside University High School.

    "Let’s be honest, I signed a $40-million contract. That’s a number you’re tied to, and all of a sudden, if you have a bad game or a bad play, you’re not worth the money."


    Brooks’ ascension began his junior year, when his tenacity began to surface. He literally put Riverside, a traditionally weak program, on his back and lugged that team to the state semifinals his senior year.

    “I officiated one of Brandon’s first games when he was a freshman; he played nose tackle and he was always a big, solid kid,” Johnson recalled. “I think of Brandon as my little brother, so I was trying to watch what I was doing while keeping an eye on him. I pulled him aside after the game and told him that he should be dominating these kids. Brandon was always a mild-mannered kid; he never had a mean streak. I saw Brandon grow up in front of my eyes as far as his tenacity and aggressiveness by the time he became a junior.”

    That’s when Brooks’ love of the game blossomed. Last season tested that.

    Was he holding on too tight?

    “You start sacrificing your entire fall; you start sacrificing your entire summers; you start sacrificing time with your family,” said Brooks, who interned at Morgan Stanley when he played in Houston and whose mother, Dorothy, possesses an MBA she achieved when Brandon was in high school. “Older people in the game I see start sacrificing time with their kids to play a game that you love, because you sacrifice and you’re obsessed to make at this level. A lot of times, you sacrifice so much you forget to take those steps back and enjoy it, to see who you are beyond football. I had to do a lot of self-reflecting last year.

    “Those were the first questions that I posed to myself: Who I am? What do I like? What do I stand for?"

    And in his search for those answers, Brooks began realizing not just the "who" and "what," but the "why" as well.

    “It’s not a mental illness. It is anxiety – we’ll leave it at that. Everyone goes through it," he said. "I never got sick in high school, I never had the anxiety to this extreme in college. I have to say this, I’ve always had confidence before a game. Always! My problem is my obsession to be perfect. I’ve always been that way. It’s happened everywhere I’ve been. I become obsessed. I don’t eat. I focus. That’s how I am and it’s probably what’s always given me my edge, especially when it comes to sports.

    “My obsession for perfection is so great that mentally I don’t tolerate anything but perfection. Out of 80 plays in a game, if I have five bad plays, 75 plays don’t exist; those five bad plays do. That’s all I think about. I go over in my head what I could have done differently, or where I went wrong in preparing, not realizing that, one, the guy across from me is getting paid, too, and, two, even the best in the world gets beat. Finally, three, football is not a game you can completely control. It has moving parts, and you’re not going to be perfect every time.


    “That’s what I’m starting to realize now. When I say anxiety, my constant pursuit for perfection heightened when I came here. Let’s be honest, I signed a $40-million contract. That’s a number you’re tied to, and all of a sudden, if you have a bad game or a bad play, you’re not worth the money. When I came here, my perfectionist ways intensified.”

    * * *

    'I wasn’t going to hide from it.'

    The Eagles, Brooks keeps reiterating, were great throughout his ordeal. Head coach Doug Pederson wanted him to step back and take some time off.

    Brooks refused. To solve the issue meant confronting it.

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    “Someone his age or younger doesn’t have the capacity Brandon has in talking about many different things,” Johnson said. “Brandon won’t avoid conflict, either. He’ll challenge you. You can walk away and find yourself agreeing with him, or you may disagree with him, but you’ll like him anyway.


    “He had a disagreement with the Eagles coaching staff last year. Coach Pederson cares a lot about his players. Pederson’s first concern was Brandon the man, not Brandon the player. They were going to hold him out; they wanted to ease him back. Brandon was like, ‘No, no, no, I want to play. I need to play football and figure this thing out.’ Of course, Brandon started the next game [against Baltimore], but Brandon liked the constructive conversation he had with Coach Pederson. Brandon was the one who pushed to come back and play.

    “He’s the kind of young man who honors his commitments. He loves playing for Coach Pederson and the Eagles, and with that offensive line. They’re tight-knit, and when Brandon was thinking about Philadelphia, the guys on the offensive line – guys like Lane Johnson and Jason Kelce – were a reason Brandon signed. They talked up Philadelphia to him. When he was going through it, they all backed him and were there for him.”


    None


    As for Brooks, he’s realigned his priorities.

    He already possesses a degree in psychology and a minor in business and was half way through his MBA at the University of Houston with a focus in finance when he signed with the Eagles. This offseason he’s started taking Spanish lessons. He gets his lifts in at the NovaCare Complex later in the evenings by himself, initiating small talk with the facility janitors. He reads. He’s traveled the country, flying out to Portland, Oregon, for the first time, “because I’ve never been there,” he says.

    "I’ve reached a point now where I really don’t care what people say or how they feel about what I do, and that goes for fans, coaches, players. I’m not just a number on a football field. I’m a human being."


    He’s also working on going to Wharton after his pro career, with the intention of one day being the guy in the bow-tie as a college professor. Johnson foresees Brooks as an all-pro in the near future and after football one day as a corporate CEO, or a city controller — maybe even mayor or congressman Brooks.

    He is also learning to ease up — mostly, on himself.

    Brooks openly admits that he’s seeing a psychologist. There’s no shame in asking for help. He’s not taking any medication and it’s important to him that he shares his story.

    When he went public last November, he received letters throughout the area from parents, coaches and kids, telling him how brave he was by facing this head on.

    “I wasn’t going to hide from it,” Brooks said emphatically. “If my story helps one person, I know I did some good. It’s reached a point where I am truly comfortable in my skin and with the decisions that I’ve made. I’m happy that I spoke to the media, I did that, and I did think about how the media would take it and how the city would take it. It was positive overall. I guess, sometimes, unfortunately, we live in an age of social media where it gives a voice to assholes.

    “Because you’re a modern-day gladiator, you shouldn’t be affected by what affects everybody else? I’m a human being like anyone else. I went out and said what I had to say, the journey went on, and a lot of people wrote letters saying that they appreciated me coming out and talking about it.

    “I’ve reached a point now where I really don’t care what people say or how they feel about what I do, and that goes for fans, coaches, players. I’m not just a number on a football field. I’m a human being. I just live my life and have fun, but it’s important that I make sure that I produce. That’s first and foremost. It’s my job. I still have a commitment to the game, to my teammates and my coaches. I had a great year last year. With this behind me, I’m going to be even better."

    How, aside from his late workouts at NovaCare, does he plan on making that happen?

    “I’m going to wear my emotions on my sleeve a lot more, because for me personally, I’m an introvert and an only child who bottled up a lot of stuff.

    "You’re going to see a better football player in 2017.”

    You'll also see someone willing to live with imperfection.

    After the final game of last season, Johnson and Brooks went out for dinner. Brandon did what he always does with Johnson, asking for feedback on his game, something the two have done since Brooks played in college. They spoke about the creed they share, “live and maintain,” and about leaving all of the craziness behind.

    “Last year’s episode has helped Brandon grow,” Johnson said. “I tell him all of the time no one is going to make you happy, you have to make yourself happy. Brandon was always beyond his years in maturity. Every situation Brandon goes through he sees as a learning opportunity. He went through that thing last year and he learned a lot about himself. The first step is acknowledgment. That’s what he did and he worked his behind off to have the season he had – and I think he deserved to be recognized as an All-Pro last year. This guy is a pretty good football player, but he’s a far, far better person.

    “He’s going to lick this anxiety he has, and furthermore, you’re going to see Philadelphia fans endear themselves more to this kid. He’s Mr. Eagle.”


    Follow Joe on Twitter: @JSantoliquito

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    Joseph Santoliquito
    "Hey Giants, who's your Daddy?"

  • #2
    Well he works this out or turns into the other OL that had all the talent in the world but couldn't play. Shawn Andrews maybe??
    Wait until next year is a terrible philosophy
    Hope is not a strategy
    RIP

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by NoDakIggle View Post
      Well he works this out or turns into the other OL that had all the talent in the world but couldn't play. Shawn Andrews maybe??
      I always wonder how Sean is doing with that back of his especially because he's such a big guy. It's nice to know that Brandon is so committed that he's known as "Mr Eagle" around the club house!
      "Hey Giants, who's your Daddy?"

      Comment


      • #4
        Yea his back was a problem but I thought he was the one with a mental health issue that caused him to stop playing? I could be wrong but I thought there was a young high end lineman that they drafted early but lasted only a short period. Had a brother in the NFL if I recall
        Wait until next year is a terrible philosophy
        Hope is not a strategy
        RIP

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by NoDakIggle View Post
          Yea his back was a problem but I thought he was the one with a mental health issue that caused him to stop playing? I could be wrong but I thought there was a young high end lineman that they drafted early but lasted only a short period. Had a brother in the NFL if I recall
          I'm sorry MD but there is absolutely no mental issue with a back problem! Some people recover from surgery and some people get worse from it. His only issue at all was weight.
          "Hey Giants, who's your Daddy?"

          Comment


          • #6
            Real nice article, seems like a great guy............ But he is just a big ???????? As a OLineman.

            Just one of the reasons I still worry about the OL.

            Maybe they will be great....... But right now they are still just a big question mark!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by MDFAN View Post
              Real nice article, seems like a great guy............ But he is just a big ???????? As a OLineman.

              Just one of the reasons I still worry about the OL.

              Maybe they will be great....... But right now they are still just a big question mark!
              I don't know what else that you want from the guy. He's super dedicated to a fault. I think that you are referring to not being able to handle his anxiety? I guess that could be a problem but it sounds to me that he has that worked out.
              "Hey Giants, who's your Daddy?"

              Comment


              • #8
                60-- maybe we are talking about different guys but here is just one article I found about the guy I was talking about. He was supposed to be THE guy for years but suffered mental health issues. I'm not saying Brooks won't get over it but Andrews never really did

                http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/14/sp.../14eagles.html
                Wait until next year is a terrible philosophy
                Hope is not a strategy
                RIP

                Comment


                • #9
                  60, bud, all I'm saying is that this anxiety issue isn't "cured"--- he missed important games last year. I read nothing that sez he is now over this and we should not have any questions remaining.

                  Maybe he will be over it or maybe it will get worse or maybe he will turn into a HOF'amer ---- but all of the above are still questions that need to be answered, and until they are ---- they still remain ???????????'s.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by MDFAN View Post
                    60, bud, all I'm saying is that this anxiety issue isn't "cured"--- he missed important games last year. I read nothing that sez he is now over this and we should not have any questions remaining.

                    Maybe he will be over it or maybe it will get worse or maybe he will turn into a HOF'amer ---- but all of the above are still questions that need to be answered, and until they are ---- they still remain ???????????'s.
                    I think that he'll adjust but even if he doesn't we're very deep in the line MD. No problems there unless they have a rash of injuries like last year and even Dallas wouldn't have adjusted well if they had the same problems. Even the stupid RT that we have won't make the same mistake again because the Eagles will monitor EVERYTHING THE IDIOT EATS for the next 10 years and he'll go along with it because he lost about $20 million last season!!!! I think that you really have to relax about this issue. The bigger problem is finding a good RB other than Sproles who can block and recognize the extra blitzers when they come. The line takes too much blame for these sacks and pressures. And you can consider this an answer to your other post too LOL!!!
                    "Hey Giants, who's your Daddy?"

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Wow bud, you are making some giant leaps of faith here. I used to be the king of staying positive, but you are now king on this issue!

                      If you don't see the questions with this OL, then I could point them all out again, but if you won't see them as question marks I guess then there really is no use talking about it anymore.

                      If you can't see Brooks as a possible problem and only assume he is over this condition then we won't agree on the definition of question mark. If you won't see that you are assuming and hoping more than what is reality -- than we can't communicate on this topic.

                      If you can not see that Peters at his age and history is a bit of a question mark, then again we are viewing the OL through very different colored lenses.

                      If you can not see that Johnson (after 2 times) is still not at least a bit of a question mark, and you assume he will never do it again, then we really are talking reality vs assumption.

                      If you can not see that Kelce did not have a "great" year last year, and we can't know for sure if this was just a blip or a direction change, then we are definitely drinking different glasses of Kool Aid.

                      If you can not see that we really do not know the talent level of the untested guys we have in numbers-- then again we do not see that this is a question mark or a hope.

                      Look I HOPE they are great, we need them to be VERY GOOD, but I can not harbor any belief in that till I see the results. So yes I still say there are questions and I can not just blindly pull an Andy and say "we will be fine there".

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Is there a cure for anxiety? I think its more something that has to be managed. I also think the reason why Wiz is back and Warmack was signed was to provide depth at both guards in case of injury or mental illness relapse.

                        No doubt Brandon Brooks can play, but if he can't keep his Anxiety in check, he could be gone in 2018.
                        Were from Philly F in Philly no one likes us we DON'T CARE!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by NoDakIggle View Post
                          60-- maybe we are talking about different guys but here is just one article I found about the guy I was talking about. He was supposed to be THE guy for years but suffered mental health issues. I'm not saying Brooks won't get over it but Andrews never really did

                          http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/14/sp.../14eagles.html
                          HUGE APOLOGIES TO YOU ND! I forgot all about that weird stuff about him. I remember him coming up with strange answers to reporter's questions once in awhile and nobody knew WTF he was talking about. I think the back part was real though but who knows? I remember now that he was a real wingnut. I was way of base when I spouted off to you.
                          "Hey Giants, who's your Daddy?"

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            The only real weakness in the line that I see is Kelce against odd fronts. I don't think that many teams play that defense anymore so that helps. Anyway there is so much more to keeping your QB alive than just the O line. I've expressed my thoughts on it many times so I won't bore you again with them. To me it is beyond belief that these owners and coaches would pay a guy $25 million a year and not have schemes to protect them better.
                            "Hey Giants, who's your Daddy?"

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Schemes do have an impact, nobody can deny that, but the OL is still the number one protection available and used ........ No matter what scheme is ....... to protect that investment. It is simple IMM, the best OL you can get should be your goal, and that allows you to not be pigeon into a forced scheme.

                              Get the best OL you can!
                              Last edited by MDFAN; 04-12-2017, 05:58 PM.

                              Comment

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