***Dallas Sucks!!!!!***

[sfphillyfan]

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says CAT Scan reveals he has the ‘brain of an asshole'

[Jukin]

It's opening day boys! Time to hoist a beer, raise an Eagles cheer and remind the world that.....

DALLAS SUCKS!!!

[musicman]

A good belly laugh at the pukes expense is a terrible thing to waste. Let er rip

Why Your Team Sucks 2013: Dallas Cowboys



Some people are fans of the Dallas Cowboys. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Dallas Cowboys. This 2013 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the 2013 NFL previews right here.
Your team: Dallas Cowboys
Your 2012 record: 8-8.
Your coach: Jerry Jones. I know that the team lists "Jason Garrett" as the head coach, but come on, now. Jason Garrett had his balls cut off and placed in a saddlebag the day he was hired. The title of "head coach" is strictly a ceremonial one in Dallas. The Double J coaches the team, and pissboys like Jason Garrett are left to handle the tedious work of attending press conferences and icing the Cowboys kicker.
Do you think Garrett had any say in whisking poor old Monte Kiffin away from his shuffleboard game and plopping him in the booth as defensive coordinator? Of course not. That's pure Jerry, right there. He picks the players, hires the assistants, writes a few nine-step drop pass plays on the back of a strip club flyer, and leaves Garrett to clean up the mess. It doesn't matter who coaches the Cowboys, and it won't until the Double J dies and leaves his kid with a 30-year head coaching contract.
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I love watching the Cowboys play. They are a perfectly devised three-hour sports comedy every week. They're completely and utterly harmless. I can watch them play and know that, even when they appear to be mildly threatening, they will end up collapsing and bursting into flames at some point because, thanks to the Double J's inept personnel management, they are so fundamentally broken. They have no chance, and I don't think that Jerry really gives a shit anyway. Jerry's real passion is his stadium and his new fuckbus, and the Cowboys are the little museum diorama that he walks by every so often to dust off. Even when he does his weekly "Jerry says something stupid" bit with the media now, it feels like he's doing it strictly as a staged exercise. He is on Crazy Old Man Autopilot.
Your quarterback: Tony Romo. Offensive genius Tony Romo! And I love that Jerry Jones is the only person on Earth who places Romo's football intellect on the level of, say, Peyton Manning. Jones treats Romo as if he's already won six Super Bowls, and is not the fumbling mess he's always been.
Keep in mind that the Cowboys gave Romo $55 million in guaranteed money this offseason. Not three seasons ago. This offseason. You're talking about at least three more seasons of the Cowboys pretending that Romo is one of the best quarterbacks in football and NO ONE in Dallas believing it. He's a Cowboy forever. Maybe they'll make him part owner! I wonder if Jerry owns a pair of magic glasses that turn Romo into Tom Brady whenever he looks at him. Some sort of QB beer goggles. I bet Jaws also owns a pair.
Your fantasy player everyone will hate: DeMarco Murray. Ever since Emmitt Smith left, the Cowboys running back position has been a 12-ingredient colostomy bag of constantly injured players: Julius Jones, Marion Barber, Felix Jones, Murray, Troy freakin' Hambrick, etc. Even when this team finds a serviceable back like Murray, he ends up being either a) injured or b) completely marginalized in favor of letting Romo run around in the pocket for eight seconds before throwing to a sextuple-covered Dez Bryant. I think they deliberately have sabotaged the position just to spite Smith. Seems like a Cowboys thing to do.
Why your team sucks: As we've noted before, the Cowboys are still trying to squeeze out victories from a core group of players that Bill Parcells put together SEVEN YEARS AGO. It's like watching a TV network burn off episodes of an old Mike O'Malley comedy. The only bright young spot on this team is Dez Bryant, who is always one step away from being arrested in a botched jewelry heist. They traded up to draft Morris Claiborne last season and Pro Football Focus rated him as the league's 83rd best corner in 2012, which seems... not good. They're an aging team that refuses to admit that they're aging, and Jones is always convinced he's just one superstar rookie away from seeing the whole thing come together.
That is where the hilarity comes from. It's one astounding pratfall after another. Their safety broke his tooth on a Jolly Rancher! They let the team golf cart drive itself! They kill each other while drunk driving! OH YOU LITTLE RASCALS. The past decade-plus of wretched Cowboys football—and the next two decades of the same—are karmic payback for all those years that bandwagon Cowboys fans lorded both their team's dominance and their popularity over the rest of the NFL.

[Jukin]

[Ike]

The Gnats blew dead ants last night, and they suck... but...

[Jukin]

Hey Dallas! You're next on mylist and by the way...
YOU SUCK!!!

[balto-eaglefan]

http://www.star-telegram.com/2013/10...-day.html?rh=1
"You can’t really blame it on Tony Romo, can you? Well, yes."

[sfphillyfan]

almost everyone knew that as soon as Denver / Moreno (?) tied it up that Tony Romo would find a way to lose that game. It was too important for him not to.

[Jukin]

The only good thing I saw on TV last night related to Romo was his wife. She's hot!

[musicman]

she is just for show, Romo is a homo

[Jukin]

That's fine with me - I wish they'd show more of her!!!

[musicman]

here you go Juk. More pics of her coming to the cheerleader thread

[Jukin]

thanks mm!

[tinopuno]

almost everyone knew that as soon as Denver / Moreno (?) tied it up that Tony Romo would find a way to lose that game. It was too important for him not to.

And the most beautiful part of it is, down deep Romo himself 'knew' he was going to fuck it up somehow.


That's my story and I's sticking to it!

[tinopuno]

Do you recognize this man?

If you should see him wandering aimlessly in your neighborhood, he's probably lost. His family would like him back. Only God knows why! (He may have the only keys to the vault) Please put him in the trunk of your car and drop him off at a either a local hospital or a white trash recycling center.

I know Jerry said Doctors told him he has the brain of a 40 year old man but he left out the words 'very stupid' which came just before '40'.